Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
