I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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