You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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