Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
