I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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