So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
