FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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