Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
