epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
