Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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