he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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