she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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