Moan for me like Helen Keller
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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