on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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