Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
