that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
