I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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