im holly from the hills drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
