Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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