Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
