This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
