No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
