I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
