so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
