I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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