Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
