I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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