she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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