Ambien. No doubt about it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
