once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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