Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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