I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
