just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
