Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize