Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
