He uses pillows to masturbate.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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