Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
