I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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