Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
