I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize
