party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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