Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
