true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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