He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
