Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
