we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
