I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
