Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
