Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
