Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Shame - the story of my life.
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