forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
