Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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