My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
