Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
