went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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