The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
