Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
