At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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