Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
