I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
