I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
