so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize