I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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