I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
