And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
