He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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