it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
