Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
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