Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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