I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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