sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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