Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
