I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
