sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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