Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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