I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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